Feeling Lonely on the Road

I have been on the road for 5 weeks now. I have had some really high highs, and some really low lows. If you have been following me on social media then I’m sure you’ve seen that I have had the chance to meet up with friends and family along the way. I really cherish those times that I get to connect with people dearest to me, but most importantly I am learning to cherish the times when I am completely alone, connecting with myself and the world around me. After all, I am on this journey to do some much-needed soul searching. Well, let me tell you it is NOT easy being alone.

I never went to College or University after graduating High School. As you know if you’ve read my other blog posts, I was just so unsure of what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. That being said, I have never been away from home or lived on my own. I knew it was going to be something I struggled with, but now that I am physically, mentally and emotionally having these moments of feeling true loneliness, I am realizing that coping isn’t going to be as easy as I thought. This is a whole new world that I just dove into, so I understand it is going to take some time, patience, and a lot of self discovery for me to be 100% content and happy with being by myself.

WHAT DO I DO WHEN I AM FEELING LONELY?
1. I go for long walks or hikes
2. Sing and dance to music
3. Write in my journal
4. Read
5. Nap (because I believe a good nap can fix most things)
6. Meditate or yoga

I have been spending a lot of my alone time reading travel, self love and mediation books. I am learning that it is so important to let yourself feel your feelings. To listen and learn to understand what your mind and body are telling you. We are in a time where we have a constant distraction at our finger tips. If we’re feeling some sort of way, we just pull out our cell phones. Through instant messaging, social media and endless other apps, we are able to disconnect from the present moment and have our thoughts, attention and emotions put to something else. But why? Why are we so scared to be alone with our own thoughts? As if actually feeling sad or lonely isn’t okay. When I am having those moments, that’s when I look inward and ask myself ‘why am I trying to hide or cover up these feelings?’ I shouldn’t feel like I need to text my friends to take my mind off things, or open up my Instagram news feed to derail my thoughts. What I need is to let my thoughts and emotions surface, to be heard and understood. I don’t want to need distractions anymore. I want to be in touch with my emotions and figure out why I feel the way I do. It is clear to me that I am lacking the self-love that I deserve and that is something that doesn’t come easy. But I am working on it, and every single day I am learning more and more about myself.

When I am in the woods, with no people around, no electricity, and no cell service, I am forced to just be there in the present moment. Yes, I struggle with it but with time it is getting easier. I have been learning and practicing meditation, from the book ‘How to Love Yourself’. It is written by Lodro Rinzler and Meggan Watterson and is essentially a spiritual guide for self-love, relationships, and meditation. It has been life changing already. This book is currently teaching me to:

1. Look at myself, discover my basic goodness, and develop faith in that goodness
2. Embrace being free and practice disciplined hope
3. Maintain an open heart
4. Fall in love with myself
5. Meditate

I am practicing Shamatha Meditation and I am finding it incredibly helpful. It, like all mediation, attempts to clear away the obstacles that block the flow of your own love. As little as 10 minutes, this can change my whole perspective on the day. I am beginning to have a calmness about stressful situations (like the van stalling out in the middle of a busy road) because I am learning to trust that I am capable of figuring out any problem that comes my way. I am doing my best to take nothing for granted, to appreciate the small things and I fall in love with them.

I don’t need a partner to fall in love, I can fall in love with myself. I am deserving of my own love. This is something that I say to myself every day. Some days it feels more powerful then others, but I know that with time it will be my truth.

I have so much more growing and learning to do but these past 5 weeks have really showed me that I can and will become the strong independent woman that I always hoped to be. Solo travel isn’t easy, but it is so damn good for the soul. Tonight, I feel good. I feel loved. I feel like I can conquer the world. But this is a roller-coaster of a journey, with lots of ups and downs. So here’s to being hopeful through the low times, and to never taking the great times for granted.

It is not always easy for me to open up, but since sharing my story so many of you have reached out and I am so grateful for that. I have received so many kind and positive messages that lift me up. I love hearing your stories in return and I just really hope that my journey continues to inspire others to live out their dreams. Because you don’t need to wait for anyone, your dream life can start right now, with you.  I am not sure what my next inner struggle will be, but I know I’ll over come it.

herwildheartwanders